133530

Joke of the Day

"Shout out to my neighbors for the 2:00 am fireworks; I hope you enjoyed my 7:00 am weed whacking."

"My son just said he likes 'the booty'. So now I have to convince his mom that the Cinemax show he watched with me was about pirates."

"What do you call a tall, obese computer nerd with a bladder control problem. A Big Fat Geek Wetting."

"Vampires, if I want to be jabbed with a body part, teeth are not my 1st choice. Also, I have plenty of holes. No need to make new ones."

"ATC: ""Cessna G-ABCD What are your intentions? "" Cessna: ""To get my Commercial Pilots Licence and Instrument Rating."" ATC: ""I meant in the next five minutes not years."""

"I wish I could get bitten by a radioactive confident person."

"What do you call a rooster drawing sh*t? Cock-A-Doodle-Doo"

"You know you're single when the only calls you get at night are Nature's."

"I work in the meat department and a customer asks me what is the difference between the Halal chicken and the regular chicken. I said ""Regular chicken lays eggs. Halal chicken lays hand grenades."""

"If Donald Trump enacts a law saying baby strollers cannot be more than twice the width of the babies in them, I will vote for him in 2020."