200865

Joke of the Day

"Vampires, if I want to be jabbed with a body part, teeth are not my 1st choice. Also, I have plenty of holes. No need to make new ones."

"I'm Japanese. I took my Viagra this morning. .. Now I'm ready for erection day."

"Him: I'd go to the end of the world for you! Me: Well... what are you waiting for then?"

"Why does the bad guy always have to know some form of martial art? Why cant they just throw stuff while screaming ""stay away from me!"""

"Man dies after body rejects sleeveless Metallica shirt because he didn't have a barbed wire tattoo."

"LPT: To baby-proof your home: put your front doorknob like 4 feet off the ground so the babies can't reach it. Then those fuckers won't get in!"

"An Indian Chief drinks 1,000 gallons of ice tea He drowned in his own tepee"

"Once I made the mistake of telling Jesus to take the wheel on a Sunday. Once."

"Everyone take nude selfies now ""Keep your phone in your pocket next to your genitals and they're bound to get together and have a couple of drinks"" -Stephen Colbert"

"This line for the bathroom at Starbucks is longer than kim kardashians whole marriage."