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Joke of the Day

"I told that woman smoking isn't good for the baby. She said ""I know, I've been trying to get him to quit"""

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"How to stop Facebook Live and Marketplace notifications: 1) Open Facebook app 2) Go to Settings 3) Throw your phone into a river"
"I can't wait for hillary to become president and appoint bernie sanders as her vice president ""I did not have sexual relations with that man"""
"Twiter helps me keep my finger on the pulse of what today's youth is jazzing & vibing to. #hip #relevant"
"What's the difference between Swine flu, and Bird flu? one requires 'oinkment' and the other needs 'tweetment'. i'm sorry."
"bet i can make you wipe your screen"
"Scientist have found out that birthdays are healthy. Scientists have discovered that people with more birthdays tend to live longer."
"Why can't you fool an aborted baby? Because he won't born yesterday."
"Nothing warms my heart... ...quite like spontaneous combustion"
"Teen for rent: Knows everything, does nothing."