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Joke of the Day

"I want my hearse to have 'JUST DIED' written on the windshield with cans tied to the rear bumper."

"Two translators are on a sinking ship... The first says: ""Do you know how to swim?"" The second says: ""No but I can shout for help in 19 different languages"""

"Just give me a sec. I'm still waiting for IE8 to open a new tab. A blank tab. Waiting... Still waiting... There it is."

"Where do you buy Pikmin from? The Oli-Mart"

"""You kids and your smartphones, when we were your age we just dealt with having nothing to do with our hands."" *Lights another cigarette*"

"A cabbage, a faucet, and a tomato had a race. The cabbage was ahead, the faucet was running, and the tomato tried to catch up."

"Why does Kim Jong Un so quick to anger? He's been holding in his shit for years"

"""Oh, he's so immature."" - boring people talking about fun people"

"I'm a homeless romantic"

"I didn't want to believe my flatmate was stealing from his job as highway maintenance ...but when I got home all the signs were there."