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Joke of the Day

"Two translators are on a sinking ship... The first says: ""Do you know how to swim?"" The second says: ""No but I can shout for help in 19 different languages"""

"Dear microwave companies, Why make us select ""cook"" at all? Does my appliance have a calculator function or something? Sincerely, Everyone"

"I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging a few years ago. Since then, my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful."

"So Apple wants to diversify their company... They should just press the home button three times."

"How many Mexicans does it take to build a.... never mind, they're done"

"What did the dyslexic traveller say when he arrived at an unknown station? Whoops, wrong sub."

"What does a Browns fan say to a robber? I hate the steelers."

"What happens in Vegas will most likely cost you a fortune in dry cleaning."

"My wife has the body of a woman half her age. I suppose I should call the police."

"I hate meeting new people. It's like sitting through a fucking job interview to apply for the position of ""acquaintance."""