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Joke of the Day

"An old lady at the gym told me her dad married her mom because she could catch chickens.... Pretty sure she had a pretty firm grip on something else too...."

"PETER PIPER: honey i picked another peck of pickled peppers WIFE: [motioning to pantry already full of peppers] peter literally what the fu"

"How does a boat captain determine his profit? By using aquadratic equation. (Via my coworker)"

"What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!"

"What starts out happy but ends in tears? Marriage"

"Come over to the Nerd side... We have Pi."

"How do you sink a norwegian submarine? You knock on the door. How do you sink the same sub again? You knock on the door and they'll come out saying ""Haha! We're not falling for that one again!""."

"Interviewer: How would you describe yourself? Me: Verbally. But I've also prepared a dance."

"Why is Budweiser like sex in a kayak? Its fucking close to water."

"Chrosshair Crosshair is what rabbit breeders do."