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Joke of the Day

"My grandfather once told me, ""Your generation is too reliant on technology."" So I replied, ""No, *your* generation is too reliant on technology!"" Then I disconnected his life support."

"My girlfriend called me a pedophile I told her ""Well now, that's a pretty big word for an eight year old."""

"How do you tell if someone's balls are sensitive? Give them a test-tickle"

"Dog: [Barks at the mailman] Human: Bad dog. Dog: [Turns to the camera] My human hates bills, yet gets mad when I try to scare the guy off."

"Why did the personal trainer break up with his girlfriend? She just wasn't working out."

"Tony the Tiger knows that Chuck Norris is G-R-E-A-T!"

"Subway Guy: Enjoy your sandwich Me: You too! Subway Guy: Me: Me: *gives him my sandwich* this is yours now"

"It's 3 am. Just smoked a fatty. Just trying to make up new material with my parrot. I think i just thought of a good one but I may just be... Too stoned with one bird."

"If you're in a bar and a newscaster says, ""Police report the killer left a small doll at the scene,"" don't shout, ""It was an action figure!"""

"I've got a terrible addiction, I can't stop eating deli meats. I'm trying to quit cold turkey."