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Joke of the Day

"Susan broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine."

"Ruffled feathers ahead. What do you call a woman that is never late, can actually drive a car and doesn't need help killing spiders? Bruce Jenner."

"What's the difference between menstrual fluid and sand? You can't gargle sand."

"Q:What did The Banana Say To the Vibrator? A:Why the fuck are you shaking, she's going to eat me!"

"I was so happy to hear Apple added a new camera feature.. With the addition of panorama I can finally send dick pics to my ex wife!!"

"There have been reports of very heavy shelling...... At the peanut factory."

"It's crazy how my ex was so upset about losing me that he had to build a life with a new woman."

"I'm going to have an ear transplant later tonight. Thanks in advance for the well wishes!"

"Why do professional boxers not have sex the night before a big fight? Because they don't like each other very much."

"So according to this BMI chart... I am too short."