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Joke of the Day

"She wants to know what I accomplished on my day off, but when I show her she yells at me for not flushing. Marriage is hard."

"Did you hear about the spilt milk? It was an udder disaster...."

"Susan broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine."

"What do you call a homeless college student? A philosophy major"

"A vegan, a gap year student and a girl with a boyfriend walk into a bar Who tells you first?"

"Listen up all you calendar owners Your days are numbered"

"People keep telling me PHP is a dirty language... Until I shove a string up there asses and turn it into a multidimensional array."

"What did the blonde Buddhist say when she finished her 88th prayer? ""I literally chant even..."""

"guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum and yells ""who the fuck fucked my wife!"". Everybody's silent for a second, then a guy in the back of the bar says ""you haven't got enough bullets mate"""

"Christmas always sucked when I was a kid... I believed in Santa Claus, and unfortunately, so did my parents."