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Joke of the Day

"DONALD Your tax returns now! Clinton: We all did our tax returns now show is yours Trump: I emailed it you"

"I had a brain scan, and the results were negative. The doctors couldn't find a brain."

"When my kids are bad I take them out to the woodshed and tell them a bunch of boring stories about the people at my work"

"I caught my brother sleeping with my girlfriend... So I decided to get revenge and sleep with his mom."

"If they gave out awards for laziness, I would have to send somebody to accept it for me."

"There are so many songs that tell us how to breathe. It's like musicians and songwriters have never heard of the autonomic nervous system."

"I like my pork butts like I like my women Slathered in BBQ sauce, stuffed in a pot, and then cut up when the lid doesn't fit right."

"whenever I see ""likes her own status"" on facebook, a little bit of me dies and becomes a horcrux."

"My girl told me that she has daddy issues... So i left for a pack of smokes and never came back."

"As a non-US-redditor I don't understand why right-wing gun nuts don't get along better with left-wing SJWs... ...they both seem to love triggers so much."