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Joke of the Day

"I caught my brother sleeping with my girlfriend... So I decided to get revenge and sleep with his mom."

"A hooker has sex with a leper... he said ""keep the tip."""

"[Snake family queueing to get on the train] [They spot Samuel L Jackson already on board] SNAKE DAD: Not this shit again."

"How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU KNOW? YOU WEREN'T THERE!!!!"

"Life is like a box of chocolates. People repeating the same movie quotes over and over until words have no meaning peanut tambourine ocelot"

"Did you hear about the doctor who fell into a well? He should have been attending to the sick and left the well alone."

"I've had second thoughts about masturbation... On one hand, it feels great. On the other hand, you don't feel a thing."

"In 1000 years, archaeologists will find tanning beds and think we fried people as punishments."

"What's the definition of a Russian elevator? A Chechen presses a button and five floors come down."

"Q: If Bill and Hillary jumped together off the Washington monument who'd land first? A: Who cares!"