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Joke of the Day

"Young man, you promised you will bring my daughter back by 11 pm. First, it's 3 am and second, this is not my daughter."

"Oh Thursday, you teasy bitch you."

"Benedict Cumberbatch is proof that a white guy banged a cat."

"Joseph confronts Mary... Joseph: ""Mary, I've heard you've been prostituting your body through the town!"" Mary: ""Don't worry, Joseph. I was just trying to make a little prophet."""

"Did you hear about the 2 guys who stole a calendar? They got 6 months each."

"i told this girl at the bar that im kinda popular on twitter and she sighed for 17 minutes straight the bartender timed it"

"JESUS: today im going to walk on water JUDAS: NO DONT-- [jesus walks onto ocean. entire ocean turns to wine. all ocean life dies instamtly]"

"How many frat boys does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Frat boys don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in puddles of vomit..."

"I'm proud say you will never guess who has been sober for 10 years. Ted Kennedy."

"Did you hear about the DJ who bought a cheap pair of photochromic lenses? He had shitty transitions."