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Joke of the Day

"So Mary and Joseph finally consummate the marriage Joe checks the sheets, turns to Mary and says, ""You really expect me to believe God broke your hymen?"""

"My best friend back home just had his first kid but I also will be giving birth today...to some relatable content"

"I call my girl Attila because she's my Hun."

"Why do hot girls always go for assholes? I don't even like pegging."

"I've just been dumped by my girlfriend. She found me creepy because I have a nickname for my penis. Guess now that I'm single again, I'll have to take Matters into my own hands."

"A Jewish boy goes up to his father and asks for 5 dollars. The father responds, ""4 dollars!! Oh my god what do you need 3 dollars for??!!!"""

"[arrives at sales meeting with giraffe I bought last month] ""Ok, did everyone bring a graph tracking your activity this month?"" ME: uh oh"

"How do you get high underwater? seaweed! lol my friends 12 yr old daughter told us this one"

"A lot of women at the mall make me feel like I'm tripping on flaccid."

"How many passive-aggressive people does it take to change a lightbulb? Oh never mind, I'll just sit here in the dark..."