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Joke of the Day

"How many passive-aggressive people does it take to change a lightbulb? Oh never mind, I'll just sit here in the dark..."

"This morning I woke up to a tap on my front door. My plumber has a weird sense of humour."

"There are two kinds of people who don't say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot."

"[quietly tries to open a can of beer] driving instructor: what was that"

"If it looks like a duck & swims like a duck & talks like an angry duck policeman, then you about to fail a sobriety test son"

"Why is the all-lisp percussion section so quiet? Because thimbles aren't very loud."

"I like Mitt Romney because he looks like the model in every stock photo of a businessman on a flip phone in 2002."

"Why would it suck to be an egg? Because you only get laid once, only get smashed once, and the only chick that sits on your face is your mother"

"The defendant is accused of putting a stick of dynamite into a steer. Abombinabull."

"What Did The Jumbo Shrimp Say To The Jumbo Crab? ""Looks like you've got me in a pinch."""