110025

Joke of the Day

"[arrives at sales meeting with giraffe I bought last month] ""Ok, did everyone bring a graph tracking your activity this month?"" ME: uh oh"

"""Hey, man, just called to see when you're going to commercial. Now? Ok, us too."" -Radio Stations"

"I have a step-stool because I never knew my real stool ^"

"I'm blonde. What's your excuse?"

"My grandfather once told me, ""Your generation is too reliant on technology."" So I replied, ""No, *your* generation is too reliant on technology!"" Then I disconnected his life support."

"Earthworms will always laugh at a poop joke... They really eat that shit up."

"What do you call a Transformer who always sees the glass as half full? Optimist Prime"

"What is black, white, and red all over? A Communist Propaganda film from the 1930s."

"judas: yo jesus: sup judas [hiding crocs behind back]: would u like if someone bought you crocs jesus: id rather be betrayed lmao judas: wow"

"My cat is walking a very fine line between being cute & being sold to the Korean restaurant down the street."