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Joke of the Day

"""Bartender, see that brunette at the end of the bar? I'd like you to bring her a slice of your finest ham."""

"How many spiders does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two."

"Girl told me she worked with special needs students. I asked her ""you workin hard? Or tardly workin?"". She got mad."

"The only thing I've ever made from scratch was dandruff."

"What's the difference between Michael Phelps and Hitler ? Michael can actually finish a race off.."

"Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris called it quits. But I am looking forward to her next album devoted to the break-up called 'Calvin and Sobs'."

"I totally bombed my LSATs by writing in ""Possession"" for nine-tenths of the answers."

"Cartoonist found dead in home . Details are sketchy."

"Doctor Doctor I dream there are monsters under my bed what can I do? Saw the legs off of your bed!"

"TEXTATIONSHIP: a person that texts you all the time but never makes an effort to see you."