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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Michael Phelps and Hitler ? Michael can actually finish a race off.."

"Apple: Words with Friends Twitter: Words w strangers FB: Words w relatives Ouija: Words w dead friends Prayer: Words w imaginary friends"

"What do you call 2 crackers arguing? White noise."

"Marriage consists of three rings.... engagement ring wedding ring and suffering"

"Why did Shrodinger's girlfriend dump him? Because she didn't like his lack of commitment"

"WIFE:Someone's broken in ME *grabs baseball bat*Wait here [downstairs] PAL:Can't u just tell her u wanna play baseball M: Keep ur voice down"

"""OK, they just have to air three more televised singing competitions and then... it's time."" -Mayans"

"HR: The delivery job is yours. Me: Great! HR: Do u have a reliable car? Me: Yes. HR: Model? Me: A little in college. How is that relevant?"

"Guy is taking a super loud dump in the toy. So I kick in the stall door and yell, ""Fuck you, man who is shitting!"" I kick in the stall door and yell, ""Fuck you, man who is shitting!"""

"What has 341 teeth and holds back The Hulk? My zipper."