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Joke of the Day

"Just saw The Imitation Game & it was FILLED with historical inaccuracies about World War II. They don't even mention Captain America at all."

"I saw on the news today that a dwarf got pickpocketed. I don't know how anyone could stoop so low!"

"What do you call a gay Asian? Caucasian"

"Nothing says ""I'm a shitty parent but at least I'm rich"" like giving your 2 year old an iPad."

"You can't change the past. But you can sit around in your underwear, dwelling on it and crying over what could have been."

"My parachute didn't deploy At least I have the rest of my life to fix it."

"Thursday doesn't even count as a day, it's just the thing that's blocking Friday..."

"What did they say about the blind man who got hit by a bus? He never saw it coming."

"What do you call transgender superheroes? X-Men."

"Right about now, family members all over the country are realizing the Starbucks cards I gave them for Christmas are empty."