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Joke of the Day

"So many people want to hit me for my jokes, they have to stand in a punch line."

"Why does Karl Marx's toilet play music every time you flush it? Because of the violins inherent in the cistern."

"About to eat at the Cheesecake Factory/commit a hate crime against my butthole."

"I'm not a quitter. ""Lights cigarette"""

"Did you hear that in September of 2001, America made a 'The Hobbit' based plane? It's first stop was the Two Towers"

"I wish there was some sort of idiom to describe how easily I just took that lollipop from that infant."

"I got one for you guys... Donald Trump"

"What's brass and sounds like Tom Jones? Trombones."

"*Japanese Zen garden tour* Guide: It's important to be quiet & not disturb the- *Me from back eating huge bag of chips*: DUDE WE CANT HEAR U"

"I quit my job and handed in my badge and gun to my boss, he said, why do you have a gun? You work at McDonald's."