165387

Joke of the Day

"*Japanese Zen garden tour* Guide: It's important to be quiet & not disturb the- *Me from back eating huge bag of chips*: DUDE WE CANT HEAR U"

"An unsharpened pencil... ...is pointless."

"We all know that 6 is afraid of 7 because 7 ate 9, but do you know why 9 is afraid of 6? Because she bit his dick last time"

"SRS bait. How many feminists does to take to screw in a lightbulb? Only one. She stands with the bulb and the world revolves around her."

"Starting to carry a clipboard at work just to let folks know I'm not fucking around about shit anymore."

"Guy asked me today if I've ever owned a dog. I was like lmao yeah I own dogs all the time they can't even say shit back"

"What is the difference between a English actuary and a Sicilian actuary? An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next year. A Sicilian actuary can give you their names..."

"I met a sick bird yesterday that got deported. The cops kept yelling about him being an ""ill-eagle""."

"Did you hear about the woman that died with semen in her ear? She didn't even hear him cumming."

"What did Cinderalla do when she got to the ball? She gagged."