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Joke of the Day

"I'm drinking coffee because people think you've got a problem if you drink vodka in the morning!"

"A crazed fan attacked Miley Cyrus at a recent concert. Damn, I would have LOVED to have seen the look on her gums."

"What's the difference between a jeweler and a jailer? One sells watches and one watches cells. Credit to DBZ. Edit: Not sure why this auto flared to religion...."

"Tried to pick up a woman at a cremation once. Got my fingers burnt."

"There's absolutely no way Lady Gaga was born with half an Office Depot hot-glued to her head."

"Is your smart fridge running? ""Yes? Well can you turn the damn thing off, it's breaking the Internet!"""

"What's 12"" long, rock hard in the morning, and makes a woman cry? A dead baby."

"[at the vets] He's really bad. He can't fly. ""He's a cat though."" [very sarcastically] oh I'm sorry is this the vets or the excuses clinic?"

"""Hi, I'm calling for info on your bicycle on Craigslist."" It's heavy, brown, has new shoes, and loves carrots. It's definitely not a horse."

"What do you call a Pokemon with breasts? Rattata."