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Joke of the Day

"Is your smart fridge running? ""Yes? Well can you turn the damn thing off, it's breaking the Internet!"""

"Mechanic: you need a new carburetor Me: you can call it a buretor, I know lots about cars, I'm like you"

"I love how you changed ""Conclusions"" to ""Learnings"" in my PowerPoint. Any other made-up words I should add?"

"My girlfriend laughed at me when I said I was going to build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face as I drove pasta."

"Divorce I consider myself pretty lucky in my divorce because we negotiated a 50-50 split of our assets. My wife got half, my lawyer got half."

"Hottest day ever recorded in November and my neighbor is already installing Christmas lights. So don't send me a fruitcake. Already got one."

"I just want a car with pop-up headlights. Do they still make those? Love would be good too."

"Why didn't Chris Brown make any headphones? He definitely knows how to make a good beat. I will show myself out."

"How many liberals does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but they'll ask for $15 an hour."

"The Vietnamese place on my street has soup so popular they make you stand in a line to get it. It's a big pho queue."