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Joke of the Day

"The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table... Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi."

"Q: What a BLONDE will ask the doctor in the maternity ward? A: ""Is it mine?"""

"Took a while, but I finally found the perfect background pic to update my desktop with. So yeah, totally carpe'd the shit out of this diem."

"If your mother-in-law and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose... would you go to lunch or a movie?"

"Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. I ate a pizza."

"Freedom of expression is great... I can make a kissy face, smiley face or a frowny face, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it"

"I'm taking my kid to an aquarium today. (I'm putting my kid in the closet with Sponge Bob videos)"

"the cool part about hitting your 30s is just about anything u do for fun eventually leads to a headache, diarrhea, anxiety, or just sweating"

"What's the last thing that goes through a bugs mind when he hits a windshield? His ass."

"What kind of amphibian is in charge of the salad bar? a salad-manager"