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Joke of the Day

"Freedom of expression is great... I can make a kissy face, smiley face or a frowny face, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it"

"Who are you going to trust, some real doctor who says it's impossible to make you a centaur, or me, the guy with a hacksaw and half a horse?"

"Goldilocks was killed last night The murderers did it with their own bear hands"

"Did you hear about that actress that murdered her husband? Reese...I can't remember her last name. She was in the Johnny Cash movie... *Witherspoon?!?* No...of course not! She used a knife!"

"What do you call the owner of Frigidaire? A refrigerator magnate"

"The man who invented distorted mirrors has died. His funeral will be held in asymmetry."

"What do the Catholic Church and a bucket of shit have in common? Neither supports gay marriage."

"What's the smartest pizza? Combination with Nobel peppers."

"What's the difference between a Kindle and a Kindle Fire? The Kindle Fire has a lithium battery."

"How do you get gum out of your hair? Q: How do you get gum out of your hair? A: Cancer."