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Joke of the Day

"Why didn't the oyster have any friends? He was shellfish. Woo! Been thinking for days trying to come up with some OC to blast your brains with."

"If you are having anxiety over something you've said or done, just remember that 90% of the world only cares what you look like."

"Whats the difference between to dicks and a joke? Your mom cant take a joke. (Heard this from somebody in my class today)"

"Welcome to Facebook. Please choose your category: Comedian, Philosopher, Protester, or Drama Queen."

"What do Saiyans and Kelly Clarkson have in common? (x-post r/funny) What doesn't kill them, makes them stronger."

"If there was a hooker named Barbie ... And she was really good at her job, would the line outside her apartment be called the Barbie queue? Edit: spelling"

"What's the difference between a cow and 9/11? America can't milk a cow for 14 years."

"I remember when I was a kid, at dinner my parents gave me a knife and fork, so I'd bang them on the table.. ..We were quite an incestuous family."

"Mom: clean up ur room! We're having guests over for dinner Me: sorry, I didnt realize we were having dinner in my room"

"What did the guy in China say to the Chinese couple who finally got approved to adopt? Con-grab-ur-asians!!"