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Joke of the Day

"I've just been at the hospital having a mole removed from my penis. I wont be shagging one of those again!"

"My 9 day old baby keeps chanting ""put the means of production in the hands of the workers"""

"My daughter asks for Frozen stuff for Christmas, so i bought her frozen chips and a packet of peas"

"*chasing after a rooster* give me your cool hat"

"Women are just as sexist as men But just like everything else, men are just better at it."

"Squirrel sex What did the squirrel say after fucking an acorn? Best nut of my life"

"Is it 5 seconds from when it hits the floor or when I see it? I just noticed a skittle under my desk. I don't remember eating skittles."

"I would never let my kids watch the orchestra Way too much sax and violins."

"Person I tried to rob describing me to the police: ""long hair, wearing pajamas, honestly she didn't seem very committed to it."""

"Interviewer: do you have any final questions? Me: HYPOTHETICALLY, what happens to people who drink on their lunch breaks?"