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Joke of the Day

"TLC Touching Little Children"

"Why did the hipster wear a sweatshirt on the sweltering summer day? She wears sweatshirts before it is cool! (Cue rim shot)"

"I know sitting down to pee makes me less manly but I stand up to poop so it all pretty much evens out."

"My grandma thinks of me as a rock star... Always having me sign her tits. Takes forever."

"My mom says that you are what you eat. That's strange, because I haven't eaten any sexy beast recently..."

"I hate buying from cannibals it always costs an arm and a leg."

"I have a fear of speedbumps But I'm slowly getting over it."

"Tilda Swinton is what happens when a lamp from IKEA becomes self aware."

"Shall I tell you the joke about the kidnappers? I'd better not. You might get carried away."

"I m married a girl with acute angina... After a couple of kids it was gone."