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Joke of the Day

"hey sory i just saw this mesage u sent last month even tho all my notifications make sounds and my phone is in my hand even when im sleeping"

"Say what you will about human beings, but we did invent ice cream."

"Dude, the fact that I called YOU to bail me out of jail is quite the compliment, so let's dial back that ""It's 4 am!"" attitude, mmkay?"

"what is green and has wheels? A frog, I lied about the wheels."

"All of the good tweets are either married or gay."

"Jimmy Savile was once captured by the Scooby-Doo gang He would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for meddlin' those kids!"

"What the best thing about pedophiles? They always drive slowly near schools"

"I get so excited when Facebook tells me there are hot singles in my city who want to meet me. Maybe they want to babysit!"

"25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. That's scary... It means 75% are running around untreated."

"Give a teen a basketball and he would have fun for a day Give a blind man a basketball and he would read it like a book"