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Joke of the Day

"I get so excited when Facebook tells me there are hot singles in my city who want to meet me. Maybe they want to babysit!"

"I love the smell of my f5 key... It is very refreshing"

"I'm putting off having kids mainly because I'm not ready to be 9 months sober."

"Star Wars Spoilers You clicked on this? Seriously? What is wrong with you?"

"Knock knock. ""Who's there?"" ""Orange."" ""Orange who?"" Knock knock. ""Who's there?"" ""Orange."" ""Orange who?"" Knock knock. ""WHO'S THERE?"" ""The president."" ""Well, why didn't you just say so?"" ""I did."""

"It would suck to be named Will in the army. ""Fire at Will"""

"Have you heard of the musical condoms? They started a rubber band."

"911: What's your emergency? Me: Are you guys hiring? 911: This is an emergency line. Me: No shit. Why do you think I'm calling?"

"Was at a 90s themed party with my girlfriend. She went to get us drinks and was back within seconds. I asked her how she got them so fast. There's no punchline."

"Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? ... There was nothing left but de Brie."