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Joke of the Day

"I sleep with my grandad's WWII bayonet under my pillow. You never know when someone might break in and start filming Antiques Road Show."

"Whats red and crawling up your leg An abortion with home sickness."

"China has entered the space race. In other news, the first outer space restaurant is set to be named ""The Space Wok"""

"Life is like a box of chocolates It really sucks if you have diabetes"

"how do you reference your local humane society on twitter? ""##"""

"I like my horses like I like this kind of joke. Beaten to fucking death. Jesus, come up with something better please."

"20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please don't let Kevin Bacon die."

"They opened the tomb and were all, ""Where'd he go?"" and the angel said, ""He's at IHOP for never-ending pancakes"" and they were like, ""Word."""

"I like taking pictures with my friends but my mom says she didn't raise a thief"

"Help! I've been robbed! They stole everything except my deodorant, shampoo and hand soap. Dirty bastards"