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Joke of the Day

"I had a headache so I took a pill that gave me chest pains, dry mouth, restless leg syndrome & explosive diarrhea. But hey, headache's gone."

"My mate asked me why I have sex noises saved on my iPod. I said, ""It's for sound effects during sex."" He asked, ""Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?"" I replied, ""No, I work in a morgue."""

"I tried to make friends at a midget convention by telling some jokes But all my material went over their heads."

"Damn my forehead is big! My Mom used to call it a fivehead."

"My bank called me today to alert me my card was used for a gym membership and they doubted it was legit because they see where I go to eat."

"parents, think twice before dressing your child as Cecil the Lion this year. my son will be dressed as a dentist, and I gave him a real gun"

"Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?"

"I only buy expensive baby food with cute babies on the label because I'm willing to pay extra if it means my kids aren't eating ugly babies."

"If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between ""shit"" and ""syphilis"""

"What do you call a police officer's favorite metal? Copper"