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Joke of the Day

"My mate asked me why I have sex noises saved on my iPod. I said, ""It's for sound effects during sex."" He asked, ""Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?"" I replied, ""No, I work in a morgue."""

"I have my hesitations about Paradise City if the first thing you brag about is the color of the grass."

"What's big and long that a Polish girl gets on her wedding night? A new last name"

"What do you call a small byte? A nibble."

"How do you turn on a female mathematician? You Euler up."

"Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fungi!"

"The best thing about telepathy is...I know, right?"

"I didn't see San Andreas because I heard there's not a scene where a therapist tells the seismologist, ""It's not your fault."""

"What's the most trifling thing about divorce when you have kids? Child custardy"

"Did you hear about the lawyer with a fetish for loopholes? He got off on a technicality."