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Joke of the Day

"My bank called me today to alert me my card was used for a gym membership and they doubted it was legit because they see where I go to eat."

"What does a mathematician do when they have constipation....? They work it out with a pencil!"

"Zayn leaving one direction is just like putting a fork into a sausage.. It leaves four little pricks."

"I asked my blonde girlfriend to shave her pussy for me I didn't realize Calico's were that skinny."

"I hope Rand Paul doesn't pick Scott Walker as his VP I have a feeling Paul/Walker would crash and burn. Edit: thanks for the gold! It's my first!"

"If you have a daughter, let her marry a programmer. They are men with codes."

"If we've gone swimming together you can be certain that at some point you've swam through my pee"

"Knowing its International Women's Day is the only thing I know about women."

"We've been misinterpreting the Islamic Extremists... Allahu Akbar *actually* means **""YOLO""**"

"I like my coffee like I like my women. Hot, black, bitter, and pregnant."