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Joke of the Day

"If someone doesn't realize their blinker is still on after one minute their car should explode."

"Today, I'm happy to say I am 12 years sober! Unfortunately it was only the first 12 years of my life and I've been drunk ever since."

"My son just hugged me. Him: You smell good. Me: Like what? Him: *sniffs* You smell like love. Me: *heart melts* Lets go to Toys R Us."

"GOD: did u eat from the tree of knowledge? ADAM: no...it was my girlfriend GOD: who? ADAM: u don't know her she goes to a different school"

"It's a good thing I'm off for a vacation soon. It took me 15 minutes of her talking about her Volvo before I realized she meant her car"

"Arabs are so rich..... They lit whole fkin hotel on fire to celebrate new year"

"Did you hear about the 120 pound man with the 60 pound testicles? People say he was half-nuts."

"A farmer's cattle broke out of their pen and got into the marijuana plants he was growing. The steaks were really high."

"Dear Oral-B You forget the J"

"What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator."