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Joke of the Day

"Today, I'm happy to say I am 12 years sober! Unfortunately it was only the first 12 years of my life and I've been drunk ever since."

"My therapist encouraged me to stop bending over backwards for people. But just between us, I really miss yoga."

"How much is Donald Trump's life insurance? Just one pence."

"I'm not sure Donald Trump is qualified to sit in an exit row on a plane"

"Facebook is cheaper than therapy, twice as effective & you can do it naked."

"Ellen Pao's credibility after VictoriaGate Oh wait, she never had any."

"If Apple Saudi Arabia made a Wrestling Game, it would be called... iSlam."

"""There's no use crying over spilt milk."" Unless you spill it on a winning Powerball ticket, then you should probably cry."

"So my scatterbrained friend accused me of misquoting cliches... Isn't that the pot calling the kettle a racist?!?!"

"How many calories does the average ejaculated semen has? Apparently not enough to keep my baby alive"