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Joke of the Day

"Why did the sloths vote to keep the coal mines open? Because when it comes to energy they're conservative."

"I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. I couldn't park anywhere near the place. -Steven Wright"

"My friend tried playing Pokemon Go in Vegas, but sadly lost his phone. All he caught was herpes."

"I believe the children are our future and they should be praised and nurtured because they are the bus drivers and cabbies of tomorrow, and I drink a lot."

"How can you tell if someone is from Texas? ...Oh don't worry , they'll tell you"

"What did my Dominican girlfriend say when she saw me at the pet store? Ay puppi."

"A slice of ham and a slice of cheese walk into a bar They ask the bartender for 2 beers. ""Sorry we don't serve food here"" replied the bartender."

"Today i was woken up with a blowjob.. i will never fall asleep with my mouth open anymore."

"I was going to make a bass joke but I dropped it"

"I painted my iPhone black so it would run faster. Now I need to jailbreak it."