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Joke of the Day

"WWII was just all the people w/ time machines who went back in time to kill hitler fighting the time travelers who wanted to protect hitler"

"A man orders soup at a restaurant. The waiter sets his plate down and he sees a fly in the bowl... So he asks the waiter, ""What's this fly doing in my soup?"" The waiter responds, ""The backstroke."""

"""Do you want to go out on a date?"" *sweats nervously* I C-CAN'T ""Why?"" *shoots friend next to him* I HAVE TO GO TO A FRIEND'S FUNERAL"

"Did you hear about the dairy farmer who got kicked off his farm for not having any livestock? It was a no cows eviction."

"An ad at the zoo: Don't scare the ostriches! The floors are concrete!'"

"There are three types of people... Those who can count, and those who can't."

"Who are a fat person's two best friends Ben and Jerry."

"If your Dad leaves, just act like you're installing a new screen door. All the Dads of the neighborhood will gather round. Pick your new Dad"

"I had lunch at Uri Geller's house the other day... It was terrible. I ended up with soup all down my front."

"Jesus rose on the third day. He then went over to the men and said... ""Hola, senor! What is my job?"""