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Joke of the Day

"I had lunch at Uri Geller's house the other day... It was terrible. I ended up with soup all down my front."

"Why do blondes prefer the pill instead the condom? Because it's waaay easier to swallow"

"What does a pirate do for entertainment? Whatever floats his boat."

"""I'm on my way."" -People who haven't even left the house yet."

"Did you hear about the assassin who was given forty years to complete his assignment? He had some time to kill."

"What's the difference between Michael Phelps and Hitler? Michael Phelps could finish a race"

"Am I able to think up of a brand new color... ...or will it just be a pigment of my imagination?"

"[hears wife approaching while I read son bedtime story] the prince hugged the dragon..[hears wife walk away] ok, basically a retweet is whe"

"Which fictional lawyer has he smallest penis? Fatticus Inch"

"So I added Paul Walker on Xbox Live yesterday.... Sadly he spends all his time on the dashboard"