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Joke of the Day

"apparently math tests aren't like pregnancy tests and peeing on them IS FROWNED UPON IN THIS ESTABLISHMENT."

"When Adam and Eve ate the apple I remember thinking, ""Well, that's a sin, but at least it's original."""

"WAITER: the duck is organic & cruelty-free ME: can i order a duck who endured lots of cruelty WAITER: what why ME: a duck killed my father"

"The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing"

"Gmail replaced the words on its buttons with symbols Which is great for all the illiterate people who use gmail"

"a squirrel buries a nut in my backyard. I think im going to dig it up & replace it with a grilled cheese sandwich, blow its freaking mind!"

"Why is it I cant get a mobile reception in my house in town, yet a terrorist can upload his vids from a cave in Afganistan? Is there a terrorist mobile tariff I can go on??"

"Dying in a tsunami isn't so bad... At least the earth gives you a wave goodbye."

"A woman about sex has to know why?' and a man where?'"

"Customer: Excuse me, are you the manager? Those Xmas Hams are expired Manager: Um... [changes sign to ""Vintage Hams""] Hipster: I'll take 4"