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Joke of the Day

"A woman is calling her cell provider... Woman: I don't get my text messages Tech support: Have you tried reading them again?"

"My phone just autocorrected ""doofus"" to ""doodie""...and I thought *I* was immature."

"Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips? From trying to blow out lightbulbs."

"Mall walkers: never has anyone taken so seriously something that's so seriously ridiculous."

"I hope zombies will come from Mexico. After eating their way through fat Americans, they'll be like ""Sorry little Canadians. We're full."""

"Hot Dads in ur Area Are Disappointed in ur Browser History Especially the One ur Watching Right Now With Midgets Dressed Like Dinosaurs"

"I'm sorry I got salsa on your baby and I'm extra sorry I scraped it off with a chip"

"If I said I was the king of the jungle, I'd be lion to you."

"I made my girlfriend cry the other day. I called her son a bloody disappointment. Apparently she's very sensitive about her miscarriage."

"Q: Why did the boy drop his ice cream? A: He was hit by a bus"