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Joke of the Day

"Did you park the car in the garage? Wife arrives back home. Husband asks her: ""Did you park the car in the garage?"" She responds: ""Partly"""

"What does a Jewish turtle say when it first meets someone? SHELLom"

"I never reflect more on the terrible things I might have said or done than when you take longer than 10 minutes to text me back."

"I know Blatters are usually full of pee... but Sepp Blatter is full of shit."

"What do you get when you mix a bulldog and a shih tzu? Bullshit. Works better if you say it out loud."

"My 5 year old set up the lemonade stand all by himself and, while I'm proud of him, I doubt he'll make a lot of sales in the backyard."

"Just bought some local farm-fresh free-range artisanal organic grass-fed hormone-free something or other that makes me better than you."

"What do you call a Mexican with crazy intentions? A locomotive!"

"Honey, I think the milks gone bad ""what makes you say that dear?"" *milk presses the gun to my back* just a hunch, btw where's your purse?"

"What's the difference between a tennis ball and a white cop who kills a black teen? The tennis ball will actually see a day in court."