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Joke of the Day

"My 5 year old set up the lemonade stand all by himself and, while I'm proud of him, I doubt he'll make a lot of sales in the backyard."

"Have you heard about the girl with a hereditary disease that gives her diarrhea? It runs in her jeans."

"My girlfriend broke up with me because I play too many video games. Seems like something pretty stupid to Fallout for."

"Oh goodness it's Olympic Soccer. If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I'd take some of my single friends to the bar."

"Kids, eat your vegetables. *reluctantly, they eat* [2 hrs later] *I eavesdrop on their convo* Daughter: Unionizing will help us bargain."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Bettina ! Bettina who ? Bettina minute you'll open this door !"

"What the hell is Laser Hair And why does everybody want it removed."

"I didn't post that copyright notice thing on my Facebook and I've already seen SIX of MY photos of me with my casseroles in BMW commercials"

"If you're cold... Go stand in a corner. They're 90 degrees."

"The tree and the wind. What does a tree say after it gets knocked over by the wind? I went out on a limb."