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Joke of the Day

"Honey, I think the milks gone bad ""what makes you say that dear?"" *milk presses the gun to my back* just a hunch, btw where's your purse?"

"I got arrested for having sex in a park. Luckily, I know some guys so I only got away with necrophilia."

"Give a cat a box and he'll be happy for a day Teach a cat to box and start wondering what you're doing with your life"

"A blonde is at the diner A blonde is at a diner and when the waitress comes to take the order, the blonde reads the name tag out loud: 'Debbie, how sweet.... what do you call the other one?'"

"It seems like every time I consider arson, the price of gas goes up."

"Why didn't the Cancer Cowboy head out West? He was afraid of Chemo-sabe."

"These tweets are a lot better if you imagine them being read by Morgan Freeman."

"I take off my blindfold. Before me is a gory tableau of death and destruction, bodies strewn across the landscape. The pinata is unscathed."

"This humid weather reminds me of New York in the 80's Muggy."

"How did the king die? He had a bad heir day"