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Joke of the Day

"Chad always has an impeccable fashion sense, even when he's not trying People ask him how he does it and he tells them, ""Well, I didn't stay in the closet all those years for nothing""."

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"If I'm ever on life support, unplug me... Then plug me back in. See if that works."
"What is Oedipus Rex's Mom's favorite Elton John song? Don't Let The Son Go Down On Me"
"""Give me your finest meal, money is of no concern."" ~ Me at McDonald's on pay day."
"Why did the Xbox owner cross the road? To fuck your mom."
"I don't remember all of last night but the fact I needed sunglasses to open the fridge this morning tells me it was awesome!"
"Did you know that a person born under caesarean section is not eligble to run for presidency? Yeah, they're not a natural-born citizen."
"""By night's end, one of these teams will be the victor."" Thank you for that breakdown, Bob Costas. I was worried they might all die instead."
"What's the difference between jelly and jam? I can't jelly my dick in a McChicken."
"Interviewer: Your resume only has ""Mad"" under ""Skills"" Me: Yeah boyee Interviewer: *tears up* You're just what we need. Welcome to Subway."