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Joke of the Day

"""By night's end, one of these teams will be the victor."" Thank you for that breakdown, Bob Costas. I was worried they might all die instead."

"Who just rang my doorbell? Its either: 1. A murderer 2. The police 3. That book I ordered about positive thinking"

"What did the guy who got fired for always being late say? It was just a matter of time."

"Obviously we have our own shitty lives to worry about now but it would be fun to all move into a Twitter nursing home in 50 years."

"The first and last thing I saw, is nothing. What am I? A mentally challenged lumberjack"

"Two skeptics walk into a bar.. I'd tell you what happens next but noone knows"

"People always say don't go to the grocery store when you're hungry. But I haven't eaten for a week and I'm getting really, really hungry."

"Why did the guitarist go to prison? For fingering a minor."

"Why can't you trick an unemployed jester? Because he's nobody's fool!"

"Where does the little king keep his little armies? Up his little sleevies."