151764

Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? I can't jelly my dick in a McChicken."

"Why Didn't* the Chicken Cross the Road? Because he was too chicken! Sorry."

"It was so cold out this morning... ...that I saw a lawyer sticking his hands in his *own* pockets."

"If ""the big one"" hits L.A., they say the sewer system will be out of commission for six months. So how will they tell?"

"Are these my brains? A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath. 'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?' 'Not yet!' she replied!"

"I hate autocorrect... It turns my writing into a total duckfest."

"The Judge said to the defendant. ""I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again."" ""Your Honor"" the criminal said ""that's what I tried to tell the police but they wouldn't listen."""

"Dude, I can't tweet AND know when the light turns green. I'm pretty, not magical."

"What's ISIS's favourite song? Niggas in Paris"

"Driving I hate when I'm driving at a reasonable fucking speed and some asshole behind me is frantically trying to get around me. Oh you have to go put out a fire? We all have places to go buddy."