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Joke of the Day

"What did Davy Crockett say when he looked over The Alamo wall and saw 5,000 Mexican Soldiers? ""Who the hell ordered a new roof?"""

"Uzbekistan Travel Advice In Samarkand some are kind and some are cunts."

"When is the best time to have diarrhea? During scrabble. Because it's worth a shitload of points. - Zach Galifianakis"

"For my birthday I'm going somewhere with no internet access. Pretty sure this will involve time travel and possibly dinosaurs."

"Take me down to the paradise city where the grass is green and hey why did you bring all these goats they're eating this luscious grass."

"I would like to be an ice cream man It would be a cool job"

"Take a chill pill? I had a friend overdose on chill pills you insensitive prick!"

"Oh honey, you're not pretty enough to be that stupid"

"Whenever I experience happiness, I signal this to other humans by showing the sharpest part of my skeleton."

"I read a sad statistic that something like 2% of all sushi goes un-Instagrammed."