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Joke of the Day

"I was watching an educational TV show one time. It was so boring, but what's more fucked up is I contracted visual AIDS."

"How do people get their drivers to murder someone? Mine sulks if I ask him to fetch groceries."

"What kind of fruit always has a wedding_ A cantaloupe....."

"MILEY Y U NO PARTY IN OTHER COUNTRY?"

"A man buys shares from the stock market. But he never shared any of it."

"How do you insult a hamburger patty? Call it a meatball!"

"Trump running for president It's Hillaryous."

"I went to a baseball game with my dad last night. It was pretty fun, we even got on the jumbotron! Then I noticed it was the Emotional Unavailability Cam."

"[Boss' office] ""You're late AGAIN."" Drove back for my phone. ""Why do need it at work?"" It's all I do. ""WHAT?"" I said, IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU."

"""Knock knock"" ""Who's there?"" ""KGB"" ""KGB who?"" *slap* ""We will ask questions!"""