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Joke of the Day

"MY DENTIST ASKED HIS ASSISTANT TO SUCTION (THE WATER OUT OF MY MOUTH)BUT I THOUGHT HE WAS TALKING TO ME SO I SUCKED HIS FINGER. IM MORTIFIED"

"Why would I want to quit smoking? Oh, to live longer. Why would I want to live longer?"

"How does every racist joke start? *glances to the left, glances to the right."

"I guess my least favorite author is probably Hitler"

"The engineer goes to the bathroom and takes a dump. Because everything these assholes do is shit"

"What do you call a cow who just gave birth? De-calfinated."

"If I ever go missing.. you should put my picture on beer rather than milk bottles. This way, my friends will find me faster."

"I just spent ten minutes waving back to a guy in a storefront window before I realized he was just cleaning the glass."

"What did the Redditor say at his wedding? TIL death do us part."

"How to Keep an Idiot in Suspense - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ... I'll tell you later."