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Joke of the Day

"If I ever go missing.. you should put my picture on beer rather than milk bottles. This way, my friends will find me faster."

"doctor: here's your x-ray me: ew I look ugly in this one delete it take another"

"I went to see a Topless Ventriloquist last weekend. She was awesome. I didn't see her lips move once."

"Why are there more females in the asexual community? because lesbians don't get boners."

"The chicken I just ate wanted to be an astronaut when he grew up."

"You know what isn't a joke? Hitlers gas bill."

"Why does heaven have such great wifi? Because of all the cloud space."

"I was bitten by a mosquito today. It sucked."

"I have invented a machine *that reads the subtext in different voice*"

"A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. ""First offender?"" The judge asked. ""No"" said the bailiff, ""First a Gibson, then a Fender."""